I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
