I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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