So drunk its hurt
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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