he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
