I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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