i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
