we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
