I bet he comes in French.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He passed out mid-signature
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
