I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize