last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
