i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
