I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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