u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
