somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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