saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
