you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
