How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
