I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
