if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I didn't notice because vodka
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.