god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking