she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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