he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
