You're my little dorito
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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