Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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