im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
