Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
