Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
