is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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