Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
