I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
