Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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