I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
