Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
