Duck Duck Cougar?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize