so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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