I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
