party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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