I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
