I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
