Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
