dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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