omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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