This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
