Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
