I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
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Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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