the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
