Kiss
Puke
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
