i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
