you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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