this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
