girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
