I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
