theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
