you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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