Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
