It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
