i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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