you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
