party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
