i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
