I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
