My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
