Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
