and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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