my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
