It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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