so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
