At least make sure they are 18
Why
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
