My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
