the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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