Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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