therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
