remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
