I'm going to jail i love you
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
