Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
