I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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