whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
